I’ve never really fitted in. I quite like my own company, am happy to take in stray animals, regard it as important to pay my way, look after myself, and occasionally enjoy being a little quirky. So sometimes I get into trouble for having coloured stripes in my hair, wearing the wrong kind of tights with my dresses, wearing comfortable sandals rather than high heels when I know that we’ll be walking some distance on a night out.
Occasionally though being different has provided some wry amusement. I remember going to a rather smart nightclub with a girlfriend. She was wearing an expensive, exclusive outfit whilst I had on an inexpensive summer dress. Three other girls were wearing the same outfit as my friend, which caused her some irritation.
For many young girls being a bridesmaid is as close to being a princess as you can get. Drifting along behind a bride, wearing a pretty dress, carrying flowers and having everyone gasp and say how gorgeous they are is as close to perfection as it’s possible to be.
However, having never been a part of a girly crowd I’ve never been involved in the girls night out, hen party, wedding planning chain of events. Maybe it’s because we moved a lot when I was young. I had to change schools several times and consequently start again, not always an easy thing to do.
Becoming a little more self-sufficient meant that I never joined the girls in the gang as they went en masse to the bathroom, or went shopping for clothes, or spent hours swopping make-up, getting ready for a night out.
I used to always go out on my own, sometimes arranging to meet people at the venue so that I could arrive and leave when it suited. I always enjoyed going on holiday alone; it was quite an adjustment when I got married and had to consider someone else’s plans.
Consequently, I have never been a bridesmaid. I nearly was, once. A close colleague of my father’s was engaged to be married and I remember her telling me that I was to be her bridesmaid. As an 8 year old child I was elated and regularly asked my father about the big day. It was only when my parents went to the church for the wedding without me that I finally accepted that it was not to be. I was heart-broken. My grandmother, who was baby-sitting for me and my siblings was clearly disgusted by the whole situation and took me to the church, armed with a box of confetti. It was never mentioned again.
These days I guess bridesmaids are synonymous with larger weddings. When I got married I had just the one bridesmaid, my younger sister, and that was because she was family. When she married there were no bridesmaids. Smaller weddings are less likely to include bridesmaids, or they will be restricted to younger family members.
Also it can be a more pleasant experience being a guest at a friend’s wedding rather than a bridesmaid. Guests can sit and enjoy the day, relax, socialise and celebrate the wedding, rather than be under the spotlight as part of the main event. Most of the weddings I’ve attended have been as a guest, and as I’ve got older, I’ve certainly found that to be a far more pleasant option.
Another of the gaps in my life was never being picked for team sports at school. I remember squirming with dread at the prospect of team sports. The fear of being picked and then letting the side down was the stuff of nightmares. The humiliating prospect of dropping the ball, missing the shot, being too slow was awful.
Even as an adult playing a lunchtime friendly game of rounders on the office playing fields never seemed very friendly to me as the men used to shout and yell, determined to win. Far too scary and aggressive for my taste.
I much prefer going to the gym, joining classes, using the equipment and competing against myself. I’m happy to train hard and do my best, but I don’t want to feel bad about myself or add pressure into the experience.
So, there you have it. Three glaring omissions, serious gaps in my life. I wonder, what are yours; can you relate to mine?
